AH! FOLLOWERS!

Lately I've been having really weird dreams. They were some whacked-out series of school related dreams and they were messing with my head so much I put it in my facebook status.

Shane suggested I dream about posting my next blog. 'Blog? He's looked at my Blog?'

Oh yes, Cara and you have 5 angry followers. Okay, I don't know if anyone's angry but I would be if I had to wait so long for someone to post. I was waiting for some feedback and then kinda forgot about it. Whoops, sorry guys. Happy to hear you've read my last post. I'm slightly put out that most of the comments were - 'more' but slightly encouraged too, I guess.

...

Yeah, I'm still not interesting. I'm working my behind off between school, and university research, and scholarship applications, and club activities, and work, and eating, and sleeping.

I've written some poems and essays that I'm quite pleased with. English class is rather delightful. I feel like I've poured so much of myself into English work though that I don't have much more to vent. I'm feeling particularly dull.

The first week of school my English teacher assigned a project inspired by the personalized 'Periodic Table' in the book 'Shampoo Planet', I believe. We had to take 50 nouns that define us and explain 10 of them. For some reason when I get projects and questions at school about myself I take them seriously. It’s a valuable chance to reflect on your life in ways you never thought of before. So I put a lot of work into these answers so maybe you'll be interested:

1. Jc – God: This is my faith. It is not a crutch, not a childish hope, not an adopted idea. I will not judge or look down upon those who do not share it. I abhor when others do. To me, this is truth, and it is through Him I am.

2. Lv – Love: To some this seems redundant to the first, but I suppose I felt the need to stress the point. This is not Hollywood love, not a shadow of love, but the real deal. A love that is patient, kind, and true. A love that does not envy, boast, hold grudges, or take joy in evil things. A love that is not proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered but always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. All true love stems from this and it is valuable above all else.

3. Lf – Life: I believe almost everyone gets to a place in their lives where they suddenly feel: “What is the point?” or something along those lines. As free beings once we realize life is optional each moment is a choice, whether we realize it or not. I choose life. If we treated our days as time willingly spent I feel we would find much greater meaning in our existence. Each life is unique and limited. It is precious.

4. Fm – Family: We are not the Brady Bunch. I admit no one is but we do not even come close. There are scars, open wounds, infections and not all are being dealt with properly. I used to look at other families and envy. Oh how I envied the well off, well loved, and well treated children in my elementary school. At least that is how they seemed to me. In truth though, we are perfect. This is my perfect family and I would never wish them away. I will love them forever.

5. Fr – Friendship: This too I took for granted. I loved them as well as I was able, that is one step below myself – not that I was aware of this. My idea of friendship was only slightly improved on the love/hate status many girls adopt. I found gossip and competition distasteful and surrounded myself with good and gentle hearts, though I still did not understand true friendship. It was a journey, and will continue to be a journey but it is a rare treasure and I am very thankful.

6. M – Music: My life is an orchestra. I am no virtuoso but I live on music. I need it like I need oxygen. People often catch me singing, humming or even swaying in the middle of class, in a group of people, washing my hands, by myself, anywhere, anytime. I don’t realize what I’m doing because I almost always have a tune in my head. Whenever I do not it means something is terribly wrong.

7. Nt – Nature: This is powerful, awe inspiring, and fragile. I cannot express why but it is essential in my life. I need it like I need food. As amazing as technology is, we could spend ages without enjoying the outdoors and still find things to entertain us. In my personal experience though, I need to just be outside regularly. I can spend hours lying in the shade without getting bored. Rather than making me tired, moments like those give me more energy.

8. Hm – Thought: I think people who know me best may avoid seriously asking me what I think because they rarely want the true answer. I don’t really understand why. When I explain to someone a train of thought I’ve had, they usually get bewildered looks on their faces and after a beat tell me that I ‘think too much’ or I am ‘weird’. They say it in the most loving way possible, of course. Still, I had always imagined everyone thought in basically the same way. So the idea that this was uncommon threw me. I believe deep thought is important so that one minimizes regrets. As thoughtful as I may think I am, however, I still manage to be an impressively forgetful and oblivious person – a mystery.

9. Ui – Links: Everything is connected. I am proof. Everything I know, all I have experienced is connected through me. My entire world, if to nothing else, is connected to me. It does not end there though. I truly believe everything is more tightly connected than we realize. Coincidences give me shivers. Why, in a classroom for example, would I spontaneously turn 180 degrees to look right into the eyes of someone at the back of my row who wanted my attention but did not make a sound? Things like this happen each day but most times we do not even realize it. If I sound crazy just ask a scientist. It’s quantum physics.

10. Bm – Birthmark: I am emotionally attached to the birthmark on my neck. It’s ridiculous but true. When someone tells me about having tried to describe me to someone, I always ask if they mentioned the mark. The answer is always no and it makes me somewhat sad – a mystery.

It's a little hard core for such a basic get-to-know-you project, but that's the way I roll! Mwahahaha! I'm glad I wrote it, but I can't help thinking my English teacher must think I'm pretty weird.

So, I went to a University night at Northern and fell in love with Queens! Yep yep, it seems just my style. I'd gush more but it's Friday and I 'can't bare' to think about school. I just reminded myself of Jane Eyre, which I am reading for my independent novel study. I think I was a lot like Jane when I was a little girl despite the differences in our backgrounds. If we get any more alike as the book goes on I'm going to be spooked!

Mom bought me better internet but so far it doesn't work... hopefully it will soon. I'm on the dial-up right now. My fingers are freezing and it's cold enough to make my nose feel runny - Ew. I'm all bundled up. I think the woodstove would be going if Dad hadn't dismantled it.

I am totally getting the 'top of the foodchain' vibe at school. It's like grade eight, where all these people you thought you didn't know talk to you like you're old friends, which you kind of are since you've been going to school with them for 4 years. It's just weird and kinda nice to have so many people calling you by name in the halls.

I can see why in Fantasy books, names often hold special power. There's just something that happens when someone acknowledges you and calls you by name... I wish I could describe it. It's like, you spend your whole life alone - no one can see the world through your eyes, no one but you is keeping you company 24/7 - but when someone calls out your name, it's like they have a hold on some part of you, which is a little scary but pleasant too, like telling you you're not so alone.

Check it out for yourselves. Maybe it's just me, but when someone is talking to you and keeps using your name you can't help but feel a deeper connection to what their saying, maybe even to them themselves - it can be really unpleasant if they're scolding you.

Oh look - there was more of me left to share with you guys. I really got into that topic just now. I'm actually supposed to be working on a biology project that was due Thursday and I have yet to start... It's 'Bad News Bears' as my friend Sheldon would say.

So yeah, sorry for the wait. I'll try to write more often - in the meantime please share your thoughts.

Thanks for reading,

Love,

Cara (^_^)/